It's so easy to take each other for granted but an investment of effort and attention in your closest relationship will pay dividends in happiness - for you and your partner. 

Why Do it?

The quality of our closest relationships can have a huge impact on our own happiness and that of our partner. Historically, psychologists have spent time looking into what goes wrong in relationships. Although a relatively new field, there is a growing body of evidence about what makes relationships go right. [1]

There are many practical things we can do to enhance our closest relationships. Many of these are very simple, they just require some thought and conscious attention. Why not give them a try? You may be surprised how much difference they make.

Where to start?

According to social psychologist John Harvey, the key to growing and maintaining a good relationship is effort and persistence. He and his colleagues developed the 'Minding Model' of relationships to show what makes relationships last and grow - as summarised below. [2]

• Knowing and being known. Trying to really understand our partner's thoughts, feelings, attitudes and past history. And sharing ours with them. This takes effort in established relationships when we assume we know what our partners are thinking and feeling!
• How we explain our partner's behaviour. In successful relationships we explain the positive behaviours of our partners as being part of their character or personality and negative ones as being due to external circumstances.
• Acceptance and respect. Treating each other with respect. Listening. Working out compromises when our views conflict. Fully accepting who our partner is - the parts we like and the parts we don't. Ensuring that when we disagree it's about something specific and not a complaint about who they are as a person. Ensuring we have more positive interactions than negative ones is also vital.
• Reciprocity. Ensuring that there is balance in the relationship overall and that one person doesn't feel taken advantage of.
• Continuity. Consciously putting effort into minding our relationship. We are continuously experiencing new things, learning and adapting over our life's course. So we need to be continuously communicating with our partners and taking action to help maintain and develop our relationship.

The sections below provide some suggestions to help build your skills in some of these areas.

More info:  http://www.actionforhappiness.org/take-action/enhance-your-relationship-with-your-partner