Dragos Rous is a self-published author, with 9 titles on Amazon, Kindle and iBookStore. His blog has made it 3 years in a row, since 2014, on the top 100 Personal Development Blogs at Start Of Happiness. He also contributes Lifehack.org.
External url: dragosroua.com/how-to-deal-with-negative-opinions-about-yourself/#.WCyeBtV97IV
Tags: personal development, Productivity and Effectiveness, Relationships & Society, Success Wellness
Accept the simple fact that they can exist. It’s difficult because you link success to popularity, and popularity means recognition. Every negative opinion will feel like a decrease in popularity and you’ll be inclined to take it as a lack of success. A negative opinion is no better than a positive one in terms of popularity either, because it will still be about you. It will still make you popular, only in a negative way. Because there is no bad advertising, there is only advertising. So every time somebody is talking badly about you, remember that they’re still taking about you.
Acceptance of negative opinions is also a good exercise of sympathy. People have the right to have and stand for different opinions, other than yours. It’s a fundamental right and you should be happy every time somebody is exercising that right. It’s a good thing even if it comes up with something negative about yourself.
Please refer to the blog for more details on this activity.
The first impulse when facing a negative opinion about yourself is to challenge it. You will try to challenge the value of truth in that opinion. You will try to convince the other part that he’s wrong. Well, don’t do this. If there is a lesson to be learned from that, just learn it, but don’t engage in negative controversy. It will just add up to the power of that opinion.
One of the most effective techniques for building a powerful online presence is called “linkbaiting”. It’s a technique in which you gain popularity by talking bad about other people and waiting for them to respond. Just don’t engage, learn what is to be learned and move on.
Repair. If there’s something you did wrong, just go there and fix it. If there is something to be announced about that, do a small announcement after you fixed it, express your true feelings about that, and let it go. Don’t try to excuse yourself without repairing, just to polish your public image.
If there is something wrong with you and that negative opinion is about that, you should be thankful. Not everything that feels like a slap in the face is something wrong, sometime you deserve it. It’s like a road sign that tells you: closed road ahead, just turn around. Those negative signs are things you should be grateful for.
It’s easy to get caught in a defense spiral when facing negative opinions. You follow the defensive impulse and tend to build scaffolds for surpassing that opinion. If you keep your focus on that opinion, you won’t have any focus left for what you do best. And sooner or later you’ll become a match for that opinion, because you stopped doing what you’re good at.
Focus on what you really want. Allow others the right to talk about you in their own words and you do what you do best. Moving your focus from negativity or defense to creativity is the best thing you can do. There isn’t much to win over a negative opinion, unless there is something true about that. If there is nothing true about that opinion, make yourself a nice present and forget it.
Sometimes you’ll enter in some kind of relationships with people talking bad about you. If you’re a popular guy and receive a lot of media attention. They will just talk bad about you. This is what they’re hired to do, in fact. You don’t have any other alternative than to forgive them.
Forgiveness is not easy. Especially when the inflicted hurting is occurring frequently and steadily. But it is rewarding.
Everything that comes into our life is a reflection of what we are. Everything around you is attracted by you, it is not coming into your life out of the blue. There is no hazard, there are only our wishes and the reflection of them into our lives. Forgiving is the process in which you accept and transform the negative parts in yourself too.
All in all, negative opinions are a reality that you should face. Better do it with honesty and hope. Sometimes those opinions will be just plain lies, sometimes they will be road signs that are making you great service. But they are there in your life for a reason. You might have to learn a lot of things. You’ll have to learn how to forgive, how to master your emotional response, how to direct your focus or how to forgive others and yourself.
Not everybody will like you. And you know what? That’s ok.