Don’t ever underestimate the power of a smile. Internally, it immediately sets good physiology into motion — muscles relax, your immune system perks up and you feel a surge of energy. Externally, others respond to your smile with encouragement and enthusiasm. As comedian Victor Borge once put it, “A smile is the shortest distance between two people.” All of this takes place even if you don’t feel like smiling. So force a smile on your face and keep it there. Just the muscular configuration will cause some changes in your favor. As they say in twelve-step recovery, it makes sense to “fake it until you make it.” Or to paraphrase comedian George Burns, when it comes to smiling, “Always be sincere, even if you have to fake it.” 12 Try it right now. Oh, go ahead. Nobody’s watching. Force a big smile on your face and hold it. Can you feel that subtle surge of energy and confidence inside? It never fails to materialize if you hold the smile long enough. Here is an exercise that will help you follow this commandment. If you are willing to practice this protocol at least once a day, I guarantee you will find it easier to smile more often. That’s because when you gently stretch your smile muscles, they become stronger and more available. Hence smiling takes less effort. (CAUTION: THIS EXERCISE INVOLVES MILD EXERTION OF CERTAIN MUSCLE GROUPS. BE SURE TO CHECK WITH YOUR PHYSICIAN BEFORE ATTEMPTING THESE MANEUVERS.)
Exercise #1: (1) Raise your eyebrows as high as you can on your forehead. Try to touch your hairline with each eyebrow. Hold for a count of 10, then release. (2) Close both eyes as tightly as you can without hurting yourself. You want to get your cheeks involved with this maneuver. Hold for a count of 10, then release. (3) Try to touch your earlobes with the corners of your mouth. This should produce the biggest, broadest grin you can muster. Count to 10, then release. (4) Now try to touch the corners of your mouth underneath your chin, producing a huge frown. Hold for 10, then release. (5) Gently bring your chin down towards your chest, then look up at the ceiling, then slowly bring your chin back down to your chest. Look up and down in this fashion for six repetitions. (6) Carefully touch your right ear to your right shoulder, then your left ear to your left shoulder, and gently stretch your neck from side to side six times. Try to bring your ears down to your shoulders, rather than raising your shoulders to meet your ears. (7) Roll your shoulders in vertical circles, stretching your 13 chest and the muscles between your shoulder blades, for a count of ten. This should feel like a mini-massage.
Nothing to put on forcefully. No more exercise... Just a smile, natural and vibrant.
Its been 4 days now, I have often glued a smile on my face.
I loved it.. Fake it till you make..
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What goes around comes around - and with kindness it really does. Research shows that being kind to others increases our own levels of happiness as well as theirs. What's more it has a knock-on effect - kindness is contagious, so it makes our communities nicer places to be.
Why do it?
Recent research into brain functioning has confimed that we are hard-wired for love and compassion. So it's not all chasing about individual success - our communities and society flourish when people look out for each other.
When we're kind to people we know it strengthens our connections with them and provides a source of support. Research shows that we may benefit from giving support more than those receiving it - and we're also more likely get support in return when we need it. This may not be like-for-like support, or even from the same person, but being kind to others builds a wider support network which increases well-being all round.
Doing kind things for strangers helps build co-operation, trust and a sense of safety in our communities. It also helps us to see others more positively and empathise with them. These are the foundations of a thriving local community and a flourishing society - one which builds well-being all round.
Where to start?
1. Plan for kindness - Do some thinking about what you might do to spread some kindness - then you're more likely to spot opportunities when they come up. Make yourself a list of small actions you could take in your daily life - they don't have to cost any money at all. Think about people you know and others that you pass byin the course of the day. What could you do today or tomorrow? What do you feel drawn to doing? There are lots of ideas below to get you thinking.
2. Have a kindness day - On a particular day, perhaps once a week, try to perform at least 5 different acts of kindness for different people. Make these things that you wouldn't ordinarily do. Afterwards, think: How did you feel after you did each act? How do you feel at the end of the day? You could also do this as a challenge with friends and get together in the evening to talk about what you got up to. Go on spread a little kindness!
3. Do it together - Try to think about kind things you could do with friends, family or neighbours. You can swap ideas and support each other. Doing new things together helps build connections, which also increases happiness, so it's a win all round. If you've got children, get them thinking about what they can do too. Ask them what kind acts they gave or received that day - they might share some lovely stories with you!
More info at http://www.actionforhappiness.org/take-action/do-kind-things-for-others
Whether it's a one-off or something you do on a regular basis, volunteering is good all round. As well as making a positive contribution to the happiness of others, it's a great way to meet people, get the most out of your local area and to increase your own happiness and wellbeing.
Science shows that we can get as much out of volunteering as the people we are giving our time for or to.
Giving to others through volunteering and in other ways has been associated with reduced depression and anxiety and increased personal wellbeing and happiness. Indeed one researcher described the 'helpers high'. [1]
What's more, volunteering is one way to actively participate in social and community life, which is also strongly associated with happiness and life satisfaction. [2]
Step 1: Think
What sort of volunteering would work best for you practically? Although it's definitely good to push our boundaries (see Keep learning new things) we're likely to make the biggest impact if it fits with our situation, likes and skills. [3]
A good place to get started is to think about:
Step 2. Find an opportunity that fits
There are lots of ways to find volunteering opportunities that are a good fit for you. Here are some ideas
It's easy to take our nearest and dearest for granted. Constant criticism can be highly destructive, but we often fall into this trap, especially in established relationships. But if we take time to bring to mind what we value and appreciate about others, we can both get more enjoyment from our time together.
Research shows that focusing on the good things that happen to us each day helps to increase our happiness. And the same is true for our close relationships too. Psychologist John Gottman has carried out extensive research in to what makes relationships work or fail. His research has shown that constant criticism is highly destructive.
Yet it's so easy to fall into this trap, especially in established relationships. After all, as human beings, evolution has caused us to be naturally on the look out for what's wrong rather than what's right.
Gottman suggests that for happy relationships we should actually aim for five positive interactions with our partner for every negative one. He suggests that we consciously aim to achieve this balance by showing affection, saying thank you and thinking about what we value in our partners and other loved ones.
Focus on a partner, close friend or family member and take time to think through the following questions - in each case try to note down specific examples:
1. What drew you to your partner or your friend when you first met? 2. What things have you really enjoyed doing together during your relationship? 3. What things do you really appreciate about them right now? 4. What are their strengths?
Then (and this is the important bit!), when you're with that person take the time to notice and acknowledge these things - their strengths, the things they do that you really appreciate, the happy times you've shared together and so on.
It's unlikely to be practical to do this type of reflection for everyone we know. But we can still use the same principles to improve all our relationships.
For example, before spending time with someone, take a moment just to think about the things you like, appreciate or admire about them or how they make you feel good.
Similarly, after spending time with someone, think about the things you appreciated or what you enjoyed about your time together.
More info: http://www.actionforhappiness.org/take-action/look-for-the-good-in-those-around-you
Sometimes someone we know is going through tough times. Letting them know that someone is there for them can make all the difference and help them get through. Here are some ideas to try.
Connecting with people is vital for happiness and supporting others is critical for creating happycommunities, yet when we are down or experiencing a rough patch in life (which we all do from time to time) it is easy to feel alone. And it can be hard to ask for support and help even from people we know well.
So when we can see that a friend, family member or someone we know in our community is having a hard time, reaching out to help them, even in a small way, can have an impact in helping them see light at the end of the tunnel.
Compassion when others are in distress is at the heart of happiness and flourishing communities and societies. It is a basic human emotion defined as recognising another person's suffering and wanting to take action to stop or reduce it. [1][2] As a fundamental part of human nature compassionate acts need no expectation of reward. But being there for others means that they are more likely to be there for us when we need help. Doing things for others also generates positive emotions for the giver as well as the receiver.
1. Tune into to how they're feeling
Knowing what to do to help when a friend need's support starts with tuning into them and their situation and matching that with what you are able to do. It sounds more complex than it is. Compassion is a natural response, but it is best done with a little sensitivity. If you think of something and you aren't sure how well it will be received, why tell them what you'd like to do for them and ask if it would be helpful? Remember it doesn't have to be a big thing, small gestures can be just as valuable.
2. Reach out to help them
More info
Goals big and small can be the stepping-stones to a happier life and the way we set them can make a difference to achieving them. Here's how.
Having goals for things we want to do and working towards them is an important part of being human. The path towards our goals may not always run smoothly or be easy, but having goals, whether big or small, is part of what makes life good. It gives us a sense of meaning and purpose, points us in the direction we want to go and gets us interested and engaged, all of which are good for our overall happiness.
Over 2000 years ago, Aristotle said "Well begun is half done." And with regards to goals, he's right (as he seems to have been on a lot of things). Paying attention to how we set our goals makes us more like to achieve them and achieving them makes us feel good about ourselves and our lives.
Getting clear about our dreams for the future helps us to crystallise our goals and prioritise the things that are really most important to us. It also helps to focus our attention and efforts on the things we can do to make our dreams a reality. And the evidence shows that it can make us happier as as a result.
Psychologists in America have shown that writing about our dreams for the future can help us become happier. They asked people to write about their future - for 20 minutes a day for four days - imagining that everything had turned out well and all their dreams were realized. People that did so were more likely to feel immediately happier (than people writing about other neutral things) and this effect lasted for several weeks. They even felt better physically too.
But isn't this just fantasyland? Are we just setting people up for disappointment? Well it seems not. For those for whom this action worked, it helped them identify what was really important in their life - what they really valued. They weren't just writing a list or daydreaming - they were describing in detail their vision of the future for themselves. They were then able to identify specific goals to work towards. It seemed to help make them feel that it was in their control to work towards the things they wanted.
To get the most from this action it is important that you:
Ready to try it? Ok here goes…
Enjoy your dreaming!
The ability to deal with challenges that life throws at us is not something that we're either born with or we aren't. One of the most exciting findings from recent research is that coping strategies, like many other life skills, can be learned, practiced and honed - often with wide reaching effects on the quality of our lives.
All of us have to face day to day challenges. And all of us have times of stress or sadness, pain or trauma in our lives. How well we respond to these has a big impact on our well-being.
The good news is that many of the tools that can help us and others feel happier, are also tools that can help us cope in the face of difficulties. And these can also enable us to be open to new experiences and take on new challenges,[1] so helping us learn, develop our skills, build optimism about our future and our confidence in our abilities to deal with what comes our way in life.
So even if you are not going through any particular challenges at the moment, every single one of us can benefit from stocking up on more tools and techniques for coping.
1 What is in your toolkit already?
A good place to start is to take stock of the tools and techniques you feel you make use of regularly and which ones work well for you.
You might not ever have thought of them as coping strategies, as such, but we all have them: a song that we listen to on the way to work to motivate us; going for a run when we are feeling down; meeting up with a friend we know always makes us laugh or who gives us the most balanced and considered advice.
It is equally important to consider what you might need work on - where are the gaps in your armoury? You might be an excellent problem solver but find it difficult when your mood is low but there is nothing to rationalise easily or obvious to 'fix'. Or you might know that you are skilled at working through difficult emotions and moods, but that you need to work at having goals and following through with plans of action. Having a range of tools is the key so that you have flexibility to better deal with what comes along.
It might also be that some of your coping strategies make you feel better in the short term but really don't help in the long run. For example having a few drinks each night because you are unhappy may work to dull the bad feelings at the time, but it does nothing to resolve what is causing them. So have a think - what other actions could you could try that might work better for you overall?
2 Use this Action for Happiness website to build your toolkit
Many of the keys and actions throughout this website can be good additions to your toolkit. As well as boosting how happy we (and others) feel, they can also bolster us in tougher times - both for dealing with everyday challenges and in times of greater trauma. As a starting point why not try:
Giving -Focusing on helping other people shifts our attention away from our own worries. It can often provide perspective when we realise that other people are struggling with things as well. And being able to be a source of support for our loved ones or for people in need has a positive impact on our own wellbeing as well as theirs.
Relating -Having support from people around us is extremely important for happiness and especially so when times are tough. So building our relationships is vital. It helps build happier and more resilient communities too!
Exercise - Be active or Get outside, get into nature- Each of these has been shown to be good tactics to boost feeling good and reduce feeling down.
Appreciate -Mindfulness is a powerful tool to help tune into how we are feeling and to calm and focus our mind.
Emotional positivity -Knowing a few different ways to increase our experience of positive emotions can be really helpful to draw on when the going gets tough. For example, the habit of gratitude is also a great one to get into and sometimes laughter really is the best medicine!
Acceptance -Sometimes our troubles are caused by us giving ourselves an unnecessarily bad time. So we can build resilience by working on some of the skills of self acceptance, such as knowing our strengths and developing more accurate ways to explaining what happens to us to ourselves.
Meaning -Connecting to something bigger than ourselves, such as a faith, spiritual practice or a good cause, is another very important way that helps to make us resilient.
3 Add writing to your toolkit
Emotionally difficult times can have detrimental effects on our physical and emotional health. Research conducted by psychologist James Pennebaker has shown that the act of writing about difficulty or trauma creates the opportunity to process it and find meaning and seems to have remarkable therapeutic potential. Whilst not everyone may benefit from it, those that have come from a wide range of different social and cultural backgrounds.[2]
Pennebaker asked people to write, for fifteen minutes a day over a week, about a traumatic or difficult event. Whilst for many it was not comfortable to recall such an experience, a year later those who had done so were healthier than the control group who had been asked to keep a regular diary. His procedure is now used by many psychologists and researchers today. Whilst it seems odd to find that reliving difficult experiences and negative emotions can be beneficial, Pennebaker suggests that by: "Facing our traumas, we no longer end up in psychological ditches. Rather we can build bridges to the considerable strengths that we all possess".[3]
So if something is troubling you why not try writing about it? Whether by hand or on your computer. Remember this is for you - you don't need to show it to anyone else (unless you want to). These are the exact instructions that he provided:
"For the next four days I would like you to write about your very deepest thoughts and feelings about the most traumatic experience of your life. In your writing, I'd like you to really let you and explore your very deepest emotions and thoughts. You might tie your topic to your relationships with others, including parents, lovers, friends or relatives. You may also want to links your experience to your past, your present or your future, or to who you have been, who you would like to be, or who you are now. You may write about the same general issues or experiences on all days of writing or on different traumas each day. All will be completely confidential." [3]
This exercise is free form - you write anything that comes to you.
For those of us that find it easier to have a structure, psychologist Sonia Lyubomirksy developed the following questions, based on Pennebaker's original writing exercise. (It may also be a helpful structure for a conversation, if you feel it would be helpful to talk to a trusted friend or family member.)[4]
Do my TM regularly
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I assume people make assumptions about my assuming. this lady laughed. I wanted to punch her